Thinking of Mom tonight. It would've been her birthday yesterday. I think it would've been 66. She passed on in early 2003. It's hard to believe it's been almost seven years now.

I wonder if Kat comes here often or at all any more. She was one of Mom's best friends online for a few years at the end. They were always in cahoots, cooking up some kind of social activism for the disabled online.

I hear from Kat every now and then on email, maybe I'll remind her of this site. *Ring, Ring*

Something between the two of them.

Miss ya Mom. We all think of you often.

Dan

As you can see, I'm re-publishing some of the poetry I wrote at the time of Mom's passing here to the blog. It's getting close to the anniversary of her death, and maybe that's what's brought me to this page for a freshening and updating.

In my way, I see this as keeping Mom's memory alive. It's also the only way I can talk to her now.

For all of you out there who lost a mother, sister, aunt, or other woman close to you through the evil of breast cancer, my condolences. Mom was only in her late 50's when the disease took her, just a few days after my birthday. That is just too young. It's not right, and it still pisses me off.

Dan

Rainbows On The Wall:

Sitting here watching,
Rainbows dance on the wall,
Is it an angel,
What's making it,
I can't see where from,
All the words are said,
Just waiting on the,
Phenobarbital party,
If the angels are spinning,
'Round and round the ceiling,
I wish I saw them clearly,
There by the painting,
Little Gypsy woman on the wall,
There's rainbows all around you,
Rainbows on the wall,
You went through.

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C) 02/07/2003

Author's Comments

Said good bye to Mom today,
big hug, she wanted to go to sleep.
*************************
Mom is gone. She chose complete sedation -
unconsciousness until the end. I found a little angel pin
in the doorway to her room, and I pegged it into the wall,
over her doorway. Just a tiny thing. Maybe it was the
answer to this poem.

The Darkest Hour:

What are the words you say,
When the one who shaped so much of your life,
Lies hurting and you can not help,
Have nothing but the arms of love to offer,
There in the unseeable black face of good-bye?

I know there will be no more words soon,
And I wish I could put every word in the universe,
Here, now, this minute,
In perfect order with perfect heart,
Just to make you know I love you,
I and many more of us.

When you step through the veil,
Walk beyond all this broken dream,
Sleep, rest, find comfort,
Follow your heart's desires,
Knowing we will love you all the way.

We'll stand by you,
Just before the dawn,
In the darkest hour.

When our own night falls,
We shall find you no matter how far,
Go without fear and without worry,
Into the sunshine.

You take all our love with you, Mom.

That's what you say.

We love you.

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C) 02/03/2003

So Now I Can e-mail Mom...

This makes it better on certain days. Christmas. Her birthday. Mother's Day. Nono's b-rthday. The anniversary of one of them passing.

Dan

Words are the mind's bridge - its connection to all the universe.
Love is the heart's bridge - its connection to all other souls.
Loving words can work miracles.

Quite a bit of re-work here, but at least now she's got an up-to-date template that I can easily add items to.

Going to send a link to Sis 'n Kat so they can post.

Dan

I was just thinking, "It's coming up on six years." (Since Mom passed away.)

I can hardly believe it. She was always such a force and presence in my life, it's like she's never really gone. Except when I feel like picking up the phone to call. I have a pretty good idea of what she'd say.

Miss ya, Mom. Always will.

Dan