Mom, 2/25/2001, regarding a poem I wrote entitled "Retreating Into The Wind":

Hi Dan,

This is really beautiful. The picture looks so
peaceful. wouldn't it be wonderful to live near the
water. I hope you will one day soon. I always wanted
to.

I love you,

Mom



Retreating Into The Wind:

Brewer Sands, Dunes State Park.....
My Sweetheart's cousin has a second house two blocks off the beach.

Lee & Joseph were kind enough to lend us the key for the weekend.
The October weather was chill & windy, sun interspersed with fluffy white clouds.

Up in the morning, yawning & loving.
The ancient metal-spring queen frame with comforting little squeaks, soft, but crisp cotton sheets.
Lounging late and relaxed, dreamy slow.

The house is a white, two-story, fifties style American home, with a side deck.
The little white garage stands alone, there on the alley end.
We arrived late Friday night, or Saturday morning for the technical types, at 12:04 a.m.

Brewer Sands is down the street from the State Park, an old industrial area, suburb of a large city.
The neighborhood reminds me of my hometown, Beloit, Wisconsin.
It's slightly run down, older homes, a homey neighborhood and somewhat quaint.

Inside, the house is decorated in beachy decor & pictures, sandy sunrise pastels,
The aqua blues of water, lots of wood, & hardwood floors.
White chair rail separates the aqua below from the sandy, sunny upper walls.

The fireplace was lonely for firewood, but it would have to wait for another visit.
Grinding morning coffee & making Sweetheart tea, I looked out the kitchen window over the sink.
I could see down to the neighbors' roof, mature trees, T.V. antenna, the house just down the hill.
Squirrels and birds are the other neighbors here, running below my eyes, nesting in waving branch.

I love it here, the furniture covered in colorful pastel sheets, everything old and comfy.
It was like your bedroom at home in the fall when you were a kid, & work didn't exist yet.
Even a bit like grandma & grandpa's place, with old fixtures and cabinet trim.
The sand & the beach pull at your soul, beautiful & restful, even though unseen from here.
You can feel them out there, constant companions in the mental undercurrent.

Running out into the wind in jackets and jeans, Saren & I walk down to the sandy shore,
Sweet yellow sand ripples, constant background roar of the white-capped emerald waves,
Breaking endlessly on the beach. The wind is cold and steady, belittling the bright sunshine,
Matching more the shadows of the numerous puffy white cumulus clouds moving by above.

Trees grow out of the dunes, grasses and creeping vines. The sea gulls swim and swoop in the air,
Or waddle on spindly legs down the beach. The water has no end, this Great Lake shore on
the edge of endless waves seems forever in it's own way.

We come back & pile into the car, near shivering.
Driving off in my pale blue Buick, we head off for a day of exploring the little downtown.
Little shops, artsy, a framing gallery, closed store fronts, lonely and sad, a beach house mural.
It's like stepping back in time.

Breakfast at the local greasy spoon, a day of discussing, ideas & wishes.
I want out. out of the rat race, out of the stress, our own little piece of beach front, maybe.
Maybe a little shop or something in town, time to live, to love, to draw, paint, write.
I want to move closer to my love and closer to my soul so deeply.

Someday, oh someday, we'll own a place here amongst the sand grains, grasses, and waves.
We'll have golden summers and fun, beauty all around us.
We pick up little momentos to remind us, to put in the back of our minds ideas.
Thoughts of how to do this.

Off to a local gourmet restaurant after exploring town.
For now, gourmet dinner will be something special for we two....
Wonderful food in a place tucked away, hidden secret in the back of the local bakery.

For now, we will dream and aspire, hoping for a way, scheming and dreaming of a way.

A way to retreat into the wind.....

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C) 10/07/2000 (2k)

Author's Comments...
The place names are changed, but it exists.
This weekend was one we lived,
and hope to, dream to, have many more of.

Mom, Feb 06, 2001

Hi Dan,

I looked Art up on mp3.com and laughed so hard. I still can't
believe it but I downloaded a clip of I Want To Be
Madonna. It is so funny. That geeky kid became famous.
Who would have thought. I am glad for him.
Only in Madison could this happen.

Also the Jane Fonda story was true. I remember it well. I
don't know what went on in North Viet Nam but the
country was in a huge uproar over anti war protests
and those who fought over there. Remember stories of
soldiers who came home and we treated like crap and
called baby killers was pretty awful. Riots, protests,
young people running to Canada and Sweden to avoid the
draft. If you ever get a chance read some of the
history. You were too little to remember. But putting
Fonda in the Top 100 Women list is pretty shitty.
Sure touched a nerve even after all these years.

Love,

Mom

From Mom 1/7/2001:

Subject: Getting to know you

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do. Copy, not forward this entire
email, and paste it onto a new e-mail that you will send. Change all of
answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of
people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that
you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. Remember to
send it
back to the person who sent it to you.

Person whom answered below: Judy Oberbruner

LIVING ARRANGEMENT? Apartment, 2 bedrooms, like it so so
with dog Jordan, so so dog lol

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? No mouse pad, got old. threw it out, table works ok

FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Backgammon

FAVORITE MAGAZINE? PC Computing

FAVORITE SMELLS? Italian Grocery Store

FAVORITE SOUNDS? Quarters in the slot machines when winning, Native American music

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Future unknown because of disability

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Will I be able to walk well today and where's the coffee

ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR EXCITING? SCARY!

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Get to it when I can, and how can I afford to get my computer and phone separated

FAVORITE FOODS? Fresh fruits and yummy salads, guacamole, ice cream

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? No, hate paying tickets to the state, terrible waste of money

DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No

STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Cool

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1956 Olds

If YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? Bill Gates

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Gin and tonic w/lime slice

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? On the cusp for Scorpio and Sagittarius

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Professional Golfer

DYE HAIR ANY COLOR? Yes, blond and most of the rest as mood hits me

EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes, some very serious some not so much

EVER HATED ANYONE?? Yes

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half full

FAVORITE MOVIES: Not a movie fan

ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY? Righty

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? No not any more, used to but now soon need to be able to dictate to my computer soon as I can afford Dragon Dictate

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Slippers

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 1000

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Football

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU
THIS: New on line friend, Dawn, that I worked with on a great project for awhile. Has a great mind like mine, lol, only much better memory and typing, very capable nice person, into social justice like I am, especially for disabled kids in school, and I prefer adults.

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I have no idea because I have very diverse friends and family. But first guess, my son Dan.

MOST LIKELY NOT TO RESPOND? Will be interesting to find out. Will keep statistics ha ha.

Judy O

From Mom dated 2/15/2000:

Hi Dan,
This poem is really neat. Your imagination is terrific, should be a Dec. winner
And have been doing some geneology stuff
I can't print this so sent to you to print.
Gladys Rebecca Crumrine is my grandmother, grandma Enids mother and your greatgrandmother (the big picture on my wall) great grandpa
Keeney's first wife, the others are I believe brothers and sisters
of Gladys, except for James Crumrine, need to compare to info I already have. All this is from Washington county PA where grandma Enid was from,
Love you
Mom
Alice Crumrine September 23, 1905 December 1905
Daniel James Crumrine July 11, 1909 May 01, 1937
George Richards Crumrine October 29, 1898 April 07, 1913
Gladry Rebecca Crumrine April 06, 1903
Gladys Belle Crumrine August 14, 1905
Harvey Crumrine
Helen Irene Crumrine October 05, 1900
James Crumrine June 30, 1872
Lewis Albert Crumrine December 09, 1909
Newton Crumrine January 02, 1877
Ralph Speer Crumrine May 28, 1903
Ray Burson Crumrine August 03, 1915
Rebecca Lulu Crumrine April 20, 1912
Stanley Boyd Crumrine January 01, 1906
Thomas Vernon Crumrine February 06, 1904

Heres one mom sent me on Jan 1, 2003

HAPPY NEW YEAR
Subject: Valley Forge
The following passage is from a sermon by John Hagee:
I want you to close your eyes and picture in your mind the soldier at Valley Forge, as he holds his musket in his bloody hands. He stands barefoot in the snow, starved from lack of food, wounded from months of battle and emotionally scarred from the eternity away from his family surrounded by nothing but death and carnage of war. He stands though, with fire in his eyes and victory on his breath. He looks at us now in anger and disgust and tells us this...

I gave you a birthright of freedom born in the Constitution and now your children graduate too illiterate to read it. I fought in the snow barefoot to give you the freedom to vote and you stay at home because it rains.

I left my family destitute to give you the freedom of speech and you remain silent on critical issues, because it might be bad for business.

I orphaned my children to give you a government to serve you and it has stolen democracy from the people.

It's the soldier not the reporter who gives you the freedom of the press. It's the soldier not the poet who gives you the freedom of speech. It's the soldier not the campus organizer who allows you to demonstrate. It's the soldier who salutes the flag, serves the flag, whose coffin is draped with the flag that allows the protester to burn the flag!!!

More of her thoughts and wisdom. She didn't EVER send stuff like this unless she felt it in her heart.

This is a letter I found in mom's drafts, to her granddaughter Jessica.



Hi Sweetie
I know just how you feel.
#1 is your education. Without it, your like a canoe with out paddles, you just go in circles
#2 is money. You have to cut your work hours, going to school is putting up with being poor for the short haul. I will help when I can.
Am sending the money you asked for with Mom. Apply for every grant you can find. Your grades are critical now. I did the school thing for a long time
I was so tired I used to fall asleep on the steering wheel of my car. lol But, I never lost sight of my goal, do not lose site of yours.
#3 UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU HIT THAT GIRL, your going to be a probation/parole office and a battery on your record is forbidden, also you will lose where you live and if you think working and going to school is hard, try it homeless! Now is when you develop the guts that you will need to succeed in life. Self discipline is the hardest.
You can do this! I know it. Never said it was easy. Did I?
I tried to tell you to go directly to school after high school. But your choice was different, that was then this is now.
Put one foot in front of the other and do what you know is right! You will be tired, hungry, frustrated, all those things BUT, SCHOOL IS NUMBER ONE
REPEAT SCHOOL IS NUMBER ONE!!
NOW GET TOUGH AND DO IT!!
I love you with all my heart, but I can't do it for you.
Remermber the book on self talk? Well develop strong positive self talk. Your thoughts cause your emotions,
not emotions control thoughts.
Every day I get up and make the choice to be happy, and some days it ain't easy!
Everyday say to yourself, I am happy, I will do this, and I will be successful at school.
A little nusance like that kid is of no importance what so ever.
Your doing bigger and better things!
Learn to control your temper, turn around and walk away.
If I had kicked the shit out of everyone that annoyed me, I would be in jail now! Develop class!
Your to damn good, and too damn smart to screw up the situation you have over some stupid brat!
Go to the library and read some self-help books. Even just a page or two, to give yourself a boost.
Look at your school. It is beautiful. Be proud. Look at the sky, enjoy Dallas
Train your self to follow through. And you know all this already. We talked for years.
I love you with all my heart and I know what kind of guts you have, cause you got it from me
Be tough and proud but, dont smack that dumb kid because that is immature and threatens where you live.
To those people where you live, she is family and blood is always tight no matter what.

love
Grandma
Judy
And I am still tough!!
I had a hard fight this last year but I never accept defeat

Hope no one feels like I have betrayed any trust or privacy. These letters are so beautiful, and sooo MOM!!!!
P.S. Listen to grammy Jess she had lots of knowledge!!!

This was part of an e-mail Kat sent to me.

here's something that I found the other nite. and I dont remember if I sent it to Judy or if she sent to me.............

Sometimes we forget how instantly our lives can end and are often to embarrassed to say I love you. We just assume our family and friends know.

Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.
Sometimes, "I love you" can heal & bless. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.
Just in case I die tomorrow.....I LOVE YOU!!!

Doesn't really matter who sent it first. It says it all !!!
I thank God for all the "I love yous mom and I shared in her last week!!!!

Oberbruner, Judy J.
MADISON - Judy J. Oberbruner, age 59, peacefully passed away on Tuesday, Feb. 11, 2003, at the Hospice Care Center. She was born on Nov. 23, 1943, in Milwaukee, Wis., the daughter of Gino and Sadie (Gerizzo) Nofri. Judy graduated from Beloit Memorial High School in 1961. She attended cosmetology school in Madison and received her Beauticians License in 1965. She continued her education at MATC, and was one of the first women to obtain an apprenticeship in carpentry, followed by her journeyman certification in Dallas, Texas. She went on to graduate from the University of Wisconsin in 1991 with a bachelors degree in Womans Studies and a bachelors degree in Social Work. She has been a crisis home provider/social worker for Dane County Mental Health for the past eight years. During this time, she housed, cared for, and counseled over 500 people in her home. She was awarded the Unsung Heroine Award in 2001 by NAMI (National Assoc. of Mental Illness). She was a dedicated advocate for the disabled as well as an active member of the Multiple Sclerosis Society. Other accomplishments she was most proud of include: Powder Puff Race Car Driver and one of Madisons first female bus drivers. Her hobbies include rubber stamping, gardening, surfing the Internet, and specializing in grand parenting. She is survived by her three children, Daniel A. Stafford of Plainfield, Ill., Lori A. Price of Madison, and Jeffrey M. Stafford of Beloit; six grandchildren, Jessica R. Garcia of Dallas, Texas, Kassia Garcia of Madison, Chad M. Leech of Madison, Justin J. Purdy-Stafford of Minocqua, and twins, Chase M. Stafford and Chancellor J. Stafford of Beloit; and also many wonderful friends. A Celebration of Life gathering will be held on Saturday, Feb. 22, 2003 at the EAGLES CLUB, 2109 Bartillion Dr., Madison, from 4 p.m. until 7 p.m. All friends and family will be welcome. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the family, 19 Morrow Ct., Madison, WI 53704. We would especially like to thank Hospice Care for their outstanding care and kindness. She will be sadly missed by so many, for so long, for giving so much! Schroeder-Cress Funeral Home Madison, WI

Dear Lori,
I am so sorry for your loss. I will miss the invaluable advice and good words Judy shared with so many of us. Your Mom and I spoke one or twice on the phone a couple of years ago while advocating for a young Oklahoman. I so enjoyed knowing and working in some small way with your Mom. My internet world is feeling empty just now. I will miss her.
My sincerest condolences to you and your family on you great loss.

Very Best Regards,
Laura Williams, President
Californians for Disability Rights
le3293@aol.com

Hi There
You dont know me but I was a friend of your mother's for a very short time... and even tho it was short I enjoyed having known her for the courageous and wonderful person she was... i consider her a good friend with the strength and attitude of a person who knew what the outcome of her illness was and yet kept up her good thoughts and in that kept our spirits up as well... I am so glad i got to know her and that she was a part of my life even if only for a little while. I will never forget her.
She knew me as Lynn

I'm sorry about OUR loss. thank you for telling me, at this moment I'm very upset . We knew that she was sick and something was wrong. She is a great woman a beautiful woman we are going to miss her very much she was my mentor for the cribbage club…
Again I'm sorry I notified some people that have been asking me about her. Thank you for telling me again.. she will be missed big time..
Thank You
Roxy

Lori,
Hi. It's Diane from crisis. My heart is heavy today
after learning of Judy's death. She was a great woman
who thru her words and actions changed my life. We had
many heart-to-heart conversations over the yrs and I
have the utmost respect and admiration for your mom.

Judy was faced with many challenges and chose to
overcome them with positive thinking, love, and
sincerity. She shared her peaceful heart and home
with many. I feel blessed to be in her circle of
women.

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you
and your family.

Hi Lori, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. She was such an inspiration to all of us with m.s. I just want you to know she will be deeply missed. My warmest sympathy to you and all your family and friends. Judy touched many hearts far and wide, even those she had notyet met. Hugs from Windsor, Ontario, Canada

Connie Richardson

Dear Lori,

Thank you so much for writing to let me know of your Mom's passing away.

I met your Mom online about 3 years ago. We "clicked" when we met. So
much in common besides the MS.

We spent many late nights talking for hours. I will miss those gab
sessions we had.

Your Mom is a beautiful lady and I will miss her alot.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

God Bless, KathyV

Dear Lori: You have my deapest sympathy regarding the lose of your Mother. I was devastated when I opened your e-mail. I just sat staring at the computer and then began to pray for all of you as I know Judy is finally at peace with our Lord and those of us left behind are the ones that grieve. I first "met" your mother in a MS chatroom as I had been recently diagnosed with MS and was feeling suicidal. She helped me so much as I listened to her tell me about her life and how she stayed alive through the love for her family. She was truly an inspiration! I was raised in Madison most of my life and moved to Stevens Point a few years ago and when we found out how close we were to each other we were going to meet but unfortunately that will not happen now. I'm sorry I didn't get the opportunity to meet such a wonderful woman. You and your family are in my prayers.
Sincerely,

Linda Scheer

I'll forever miss your Mom, such a kind woman. She helped me when I needed help most with my teenage son and school. Her advice was right on the money too. :)

I'll do my best to pass her kindness on to other people if/when I can.

~~Jan

I'm Judy's next door neighbor Leah (apt 1) if there is anything I can do to help, Please Do Not Hesitate, let me know.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss she is indeed a great lady, I will miss our informal chats in her backyard.
Leah Ann Walker

Lori, I was so proud to have known Judy, we talked a lot on messenger. Even though she was so ill, she always had time for others. She will always be in my thoughts and prayers. Is there any charity or something we can do in her memory?
I am proud to have been chosen by your mom to be her friend.
Margaret Vieira
Ragdoll

Thank you for notifying me. I knew her as a neat lady, passionate about
life and her family.

Terri Sorg
Cornerstone

Lori,

Thank you so much for the email. I am also one of the staff of the MS world website that she visited frequently. We all miss her so very much, she was a wonderful and caring person, with a vibrance that kept us all going each day we had the blessing to speak with her. I will certainly keep my prayers going for you and your family and of course for her! She was well loved and as you said it is a great loss, but she is with the best she can be now, God.

Take care,