Another early memory is kind of foggy, but Mom took me to someplace out in the country and I got to ride on a pony or small horse. I don't think I was quite two yet. It was fun but kind of scary.

The earliest memory I have of Mom is from when I was one year old. She was ironing clothes in the basement, and the doorbell rang. I had gone down stairs and crawled under the ironing board. Mom went up to answer the door, she must have been talking to the person that came over. I was trying to unplug the iron to turn it off, the cords were draped over the board and I didn't think I could get out without pulling the iron down on me. I didn't grasp yet that the iron wouldn't cool off right away. So I kept unplugging one cord, ansd putting my hand up by the iron, feeling it's heat. I'd put that cord back together and unplug another. (There were a couple of extension cords.) On the third one, my pointer finger slipped between the prongs of the cord. Standing barefoot on wet concrete, needless to say I had my own "Ben Franklin Key On The Kite String" moment. I was standing there screaming and frying, when someone in uniform came downstairs followed closely by Mom. Mom reached to grab me, and whoever the guy was slammed her up against the wall and kicked the cord off my finger. It was not a forgettable experience. Mom carried me upstairs and ran my finger under cold water in the kitchen faucet. It had been seared to the bone. The scar is still there.

It's been awhile since I've been here, I think I just needed to let myself grow used to that she's really gone. That the number in my cell phone memory goes to someone or something else. I keep thinking of her, and remembering. I guess it's time to share some of those memories, a little at a time.

Kat - to answer your question, Saren says she woke up on the other side. Saren tells me that when someone goes through a passage like that, they are "asleep" on the other side for awhile while the guides work on them. Not sure what that means, but I know Mom had a rough ride out...

Dan

Hi Kids;

I'm sorry that I missed your Mom's celebration of life. I didn't
find out where it was to be held until I read her obituary just tonight.
Your Mom loved life with a zest that very few others that I have met
have had. Try to find that zest for life for yourselves. Your Mom was
the leader in your family for all of these years. It's your turn now. I
know that you will make her proud.

I love you both,

Dad

Hi Dan;

I enjoyed your collection about the dunes. When we were young, your
mother and I used to go to the shore of lake superior and it looked very
much like the dunes, except that at the top of the cliffs, there was
grass growing. Where we went was the mouth of a river. I think it was
the bad river. It was in Wisconsin just a few miles south of the upper
peninsula of Michigan.

There was a power plant about a quarter of a mile up the river from
where it emptied into lake Michigan. The water in the river was like
bath water because it was heated from the power plant. one time we made
a boat from a large tractor inner tube and paddled up the river. just
after the power plant was a water fall. It was beautiful there and we
had a very nice time swimming in the warm water just below the falls.
So your love of the water and the beach comes naturally from both
sides. It's your heritage. Tuck this in your memories of your mom. It's
one of the best ones that I have of her.

Love,

Dad

A card I just received yesterday:

In Sympathy -

Dear Dan, Lori, Jeff -

Wishing you peace in your time of sorrow.

Signed:

With affection and good memories of your mother,

Alberto & Jean Jimenez

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are one of my best friend's parents. I have known Luis Jimenez since we were in 7th grade.
Luis's father, Alberto, is also in the advanced stages of Parkinson's. These are folk I very highly respect.
Thank you, Alberto & Jean!

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me


When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It almost seemed impossible
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

I know mom would of loved this one too!

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!


This is a beautiful poem my sister-in-law sent me sometime ago. I save it for when I need a little reminder.

Bubble Mountain:

An eight year old attempting to learn something new,
A mother teaching thought she'd had the job true,
"Fill the little door there with dish soap, push the lever."
"Push the button there and then you can leave 'er."

Mom says she's off to take a nap.

Me, I'm off playing hotwheels in a sixties Nebraska summer,
Chargers and dragsters and hotrods, but nary a Hummer.
The field behind the house is hot, and sand burrs in the yard,
Long summer days in the middle of nothing are not hard.

Usually not, until you hear Mom scream!

I ran in the house, expecting a louse, or a monster's glare,
But the sight that I saw I couldn't even draw, all I could do was stare!
From the living room door they were coming out of the kitchen,
A mountain of bubbles, suds taller than a skinny kid due for switchin'.

I couldn't believe my eyes!

A myriad tiny rainbowed suds, filling a twenty foot room,
And a screaming mother wading through with no broom.
Trying to find the sink, or the dishwasher door,
So that Ivory Liquid wouldn't make any more!

The bubble blob was eating our house!

Twenty minutes more and the basement would be,
Drowning in foamy white suds 'cause of me.
We spent the rest of the day bailing with pans,
And cold water running and filling our hands.

It took hours to wash them all down.

I spent the next two days washing everything five feet and under,
And with a spinning head full of childish wonder.

Why hadn't she said Cascade?

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C) 07/21/2000

Author's Comments:
A real life tale of childhood. I know it sounds like Little Rick and Lucy,
But it truly was me and my Mom. I've never seen anything like it since.

Boundaries Of Pictures:

A heart can be broken to look,
Joy may fly into a face in remembrance,
Cheeks may flush at the cringe,
Reality even seem to bend,
In the magic of artistic illusion,
Time may stop and start like an engine,
Racing into the great beyond,
All these lanes we drive so hard,
Yet you can twist the key 'til breaking,
Shift every lever you find,
But there is no reverse,
Not even the slightest brakes,
And that's what drives you to tears the most,
The universal law of the boundaries of pictures.

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C) 02/23/2002

Author's Comments:
A life lesson reinforced yesterday.

From Art Paul Schlosser, my high school friend and Madison Counter Culture / underground street music icon:

Dear Dan
You had a real nice Mom or I don't know how nice she was to you but she was real nice to me and I'll miss all her nice words.I'll also miss someone reading my poems.Well I hope Jesus fills some of the hole that you Mom has left.And hope she is up in Heaven dancing with Jesus-ART PAUL

04/05/2001 conversation regarding old Saint Pauls Church, Beloit, WI, now the Beloit Angel Museum, and where I and Lori were both baptized:
(Poem is "The Angel's Church" at http://www.lightverse.com)

Me:

I didn't know that much about it, but I'm glad you told me. I just remember going there with Noni & Nono & that I liked it. I think I'm going to add a few excerpts from your note below as remarks to my poem, I think it's a great story.

Love,

Dan

judy oberbruner wrote:

Hi Dan,

amazing you found a picture of that church.
Noni and Nono were married in that church in 1927 I think.
I received my first communion there. In a beautiful white dress with all the
angels painted on the walls and ceiling. I was confirmed in that church too.
Your dad and I were married there also.

All the Italians met there for mass. The mass was in Italian for years.
Father Perrardi. (sp?) An old Italian priest said mass there for many many
years. I used to look at all the cherubs in gold and blue clouds. It was so
beautiful. Then an American/Italian priest took it over Fr De Steffano. He
obliterated all the angels and all the statues and turned it into a modern
church stark black and white. It was awful. They used to have spagetti
dinners there. Italian men cooked. the food was wonderful. I know you went
to some when you were little.

On Easter all the women gossiped about each others hats and clothes. Who was
too loud or who wore a different color other than black after their husbands
died. Or who wore black too long after their husbands died. Who went to
early mass or who went to late mass, What man was henpecked or what daughter
brought her new boyfriend. Tons of gossip and fun for a little kid. Me.

Love you
Mom

That Old Garage Radio:

Mom, 3/30/2001 about a poem remembering her Dad, our grandfather, Nono: 

"Hi Dan, I can't believe you find these pictures and remember such detail. This poem takes me back in time too. Nono did this when I was little too. 

Awesome. 

I love you Mom "

That Old Garage Radio: 

Plastic, white, AM, yellowed clear dial, 

Gold letters Admiral and a model, a style, 

Baseball, summer evenings and afternoons, 

Memories and stories and bits of music, too. 

Lawn chairs, cigar smoke, a smile and fun, 

Antique tools and bicycles, a faster run, 

Best friends and grandfathers, things you cannot see, 

I saw one in the broadcast museum, it brought back memory, 

A child's days, a child's ways, thoughts of summer Sun, 

Sparklers and lightning bugs, red scooter runs, 

An old Ford Falcon in green, 

Just another old machine, 

That radio that held the world of summer, 

There in a tiny plastic box, 

What I wouldn't give to watch Nono smoking in his chair, 

There when the Mets played the Sox. 

Take me, take me out to the ball game! 

 AquarianM By: Daniel A. Stafford (C) 2001 

 Author's Comments: Sometimes the finest memories are so simple.

Mom, 2/25/2001, regarding a poem I wrote entitled "Retreating Into The Wind":

Hi Dan,

This is really beautiful. The picture looks so
peaceful. wouldn't it be wonderful to live near the
water. I hope you will one day soon. I always wanted
to.

I love you,

Mom



Retreating Into The Wind:

Brewer Sands, Dunes State Park.....
My Sweetheart's cousin has a second house two blocks off the beach.

Lee & Joseph were kind enough to lend us the key for the weekend.
The October weather was chill & windy, sun interspersed with fluffy white clouds.

Up in the morning, yawning & loving.
The ancient metal-spring queen frame with comforting little squeaks, soft, but crisp cotton sheets.
Lounging late and relaxed, dreamy slow.

The house is a white, two-story, fifties style American home, with a side deck.
The little white garage stands alone, there on the alley end.
We arrived late Friday night, or Saturday morning for the technical types, at 12:04 a.m.

Brewer Sands is down the street from the State Park, an old industrial area, suburb of a large city.
The neighborhood reminds me of my hometown, Beloit, Wisconsin.
It's slightly run down, older homes, a homey neighborhood and somewhat quaint.

Inside, the house is decorated in beachy decor & pictures, sandy sunrise pastels,
The aqua blues of water, lots of wood, & hardwood floors.
White chair rail separates the aqua below from the sandy, sunny upper walls.

The fireplace was lonely for firewood, but it would have to wait for another visit.
Grinding morning coffee & making Sweetheart tea, I looked out the kitchen window over the sink.
I could see down to the neighbors' roof, mature trees, T.V. antenna, the house just down the hill.
Squirrels and birds are the other neighbors here, running below my eyes, nesting in waving branch.

I love it here, the furniture covered in colorful pastel sheets, everything old and comfy.
It was like your bedroom at home in the fall when you were a kid, & work didn't exist yet.
Even a bit like grandma & grandpa's place, with old fixtures and cabinet trim.
The sand & the beach pull at your soul, beautiful & restful, even though unseen from here.
You can feel them out there, constant companions in the mental undercurrent.

Running out into the wind in jackets and jeans, Saren & I walk down to the sandy shore,
Sweet yellow sand ripples, constant background roar of the white-capped emerald waves,
Breaking endlessly on the beach. The wind is cold and steady, belittling the bright sunshine,
Matching more the shadows of the numerous puffy white cumulus clouds moving by above.

Trees grow out of the dunes, grasses and creeping vines. The sea gulls swim and swoop in the air,
Or waddle on spindly legs down the beach. The water has no end, this Great Lake shore on
the edge of endless waves seems forever in it's own way.

We come back & pile into the car, near shivering.
Driving off in my pale blue Buick, we head off for a day of exploring the little downtown.
Little shops, artsy, a framing gallery, closed store fronts, lonely and sad, a beach house mural.
It's like stepping back in time.

Breakfast at the local greasy spoon, a day of discussing, ideas & wishes.
I want out. out of the rat race, out of the stress, our own little piece of beach front, maybe.
Maybe a little shop or something in town, time to live, to love, to draw, paint, write.
I want to move closer to my love and closer to my soul so deeply.

Someday, oh someday, we'll own a place here amongst the sand grains, grasses, and waves.
We'll have golden summers and fun, beauty all around us.
We pick up little momentos to remind us, to put in the back of our minds ideas.
Thoughts of how to do this.

Off to a local gourmet restaurant after exploring town.
For now, gourmet dinner will be something special for we two....
Wonderful food in a place tucked away, hidden secret in the back of the local bakery.

For now, we will dream and aspire, hoping for a way, scheming and dreaming of a way.

A way to retreat into the wind.....

AquarianM

By: Daniel A. Stafford
(C) 10/07/2000 (2k)

Author's Comments...
The place names are changed, but it exists.
This weekend was one we lived,
and hope to, dream to, have many more of.

Mom, Feb 06, 2001

Hi Dan,

I looked Art up on mp3.com and laughed so hard. I still can't
believe it but I downloaded a clip of I Want To Be
Madonna. It is so funny. That geeky kid became famous.
Who would have thought. I am glad for him.
Only in Madison could this happen.

Also the Jane Fonda story was true. I remember it well. I
don't know what went on in North Viet Nam but the
country was in a huge uproar over anti war protests
and those who fought over there. Remember stories of
soldiers who came home and we treated like crap and
called baby killers was pretty awful. Riots, protests,
young people running to Canada and Sweden to avoid the
draft. If you ever get a chance read some of the
history. You were too little to remember. But putting
Fonda in the Top 100 Women list is pretty shitty.
Sure touched a nerve even after all these years.

Love,

Mom

From Mom 1/7/2001:

Subject: Getting to know you

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do. Copy, not forward this entire
email, and paste it onto a new e-mail that you will send. Change all of
answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of
people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that
you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. Remember to
send it
back to the person who sent it to you.

Person whom answered below: Judy Oberbruner

LIVING ARRANGEMENT? Apartment, 2 bedrooms, like it so so
with dog Jordan, so so dog lol

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? No mouse pad, got old. threw it out, table works ok

FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Backgammon

FAVORITE MAGAZINE? PC Computing

FAVORITE SMELLS? Italian Grocery Store

FAVORITE SOUNDS? Quarters in the slot machines when winning, Native American music

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Future unknown because of disability

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Will I be able to walk well today and where's the coffee

ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR EXCITING? SCARY!

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Get to it when I can, and how can I afford to get my computer and phone separated

FAVORITE FOODS? Fresh fruits and yummy salads, guacamole, ice cream

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? No, hate paying tickets to the state, terrible waste of money

DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No

STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Cool

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1956 Olds

If YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? Bill Gates

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Gin and tonic w/lime slice

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? On the cusp for Scorpio and Sagittarius

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Professional Golfer

DYE HAIR ANY COLOR? Yes, blond and most of the rest as mood hits me

EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes, some very serious some not so much

EVER HATED ANYONE?? Yes

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half full

FAVORITE MOVIES: Not a movie fan

ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY? Righty

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? No not any more, used to but now soon need to be able to dictate to my computer soon as I can afford Dragon Dictate

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Slippers

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 1000

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Football

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU
THIS: New on line friend, Dawn, that I worked with on a great project for awhile. Has a great mind like mine, lol, only much better memory and typing, very capable nice person, into social justice like I am, especially for disabled kids in school, and I prefer adults.

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I have no idea because I have very diverse friends and family. But first guess, my son Dan.

MOST LIKELY NOT TO RESPOND? Will be interesting to find out. Will keep statistics ha ha.

Judy O

From Mom dated 2/15/2000:

Hi Dan,
This poem is really neat. Your imagination is terrific, should be a Dec. winner
And have been doing some geneology stuff
I can't print this so sent to you to print.
Gladys Rebecca Crumrine is my grandmother, grandma Enids mother and your greatgrandmother (the big picture on my wall) great grandpa
Keeney's first wife, the others are I believe brothers and sisters
of Gladys, except for James Crumrine, need to compare to info I already have. All this is from Washington county PA where grandma Enid was from,
Love you
Mom
Alice Crumrine September 23, 1905 December 1905
Daniel James Crumrine July 11, 1909 May 01, 1937
George Richards Crumrine October 29, 1898 April 07, 1913
Gladry Rebecca Crumrine April 06, 1903
Gladys Belle Crumrine August 14, 1905
Harvey Crumrine
Helen Irene Crumrine October 05, 1900
James Crumrine June 30, 1872
Lewis Albert Crumrine December 09, 1909
Newton Crumrine January 02, 1877
Ralph Speer Crumrine May 28, 1903
Ray Burson Crumrine August 03, 1915
Rebecca Lulu Crumrine April 20, 1912
Stanley Boyd Crumrine January 01, 1906
Thomas Vernon Crumrine February 06, 1904

Heres one mom sent me on Jan 1, 2003

HAPPY NEW YEAR
Subject: Valley Forge
The following passage is from a sermon by John Hagee:
I want you to close your eyes and picture in your mind the soldier at Valley Forge, as he holds his musket in his bloody hands. He stands barefoot in the snow, starved from lack of food, wounded from months of battle and emotionally scarred from the eternity away from his family surrounded by nothing but death and carnage of war. He stands though, with fire in his eyes and victory on his breath. He looks at us now in anger and disgust and tells us this...

I gave you a birthright of freedom born in the Constitution and now your children graduate too illiterate to read it. I fought in the snow barefoot to give you the freedom to vote and you stay at home because it rains.

I left my family destitute to give you the freedom of speech and you remain silent on critical issues, because it might be bad for business.

I orphaned my children to give you a government to serve you and it has stolen democracy from the people.

It's the soldier not the reporter who gives you the freedom of the press. It's the soldier not the poet who gives you the freedom of speech. It's the soldier not the campus organizer who allows you to demonstrate. It's the soldier who salutes the flag, serves the flag, whose coffin is draped with the flag that allows the protester to burn the flag!!!

More of her thoughts and wisdom. She didn't EVER send stuff like this unless she felt it in her heart.

This is a letter I found in mom's drafts, to her granddaughter Jessica.



Hi Sweetie
I know just how you feel.
#1 is your education. Without it, your like a canoe with out paddles, you just go in circles
#2 is money. You have to cut your work hours, going to school is putting up with being poor for the short haul. I will help when I can.
Am sending the money you asked for with Mom. Apply for every grant you can find. Your grades are critical now. I did the school thing for a long time
I was so tired I used to fall asleep on the steering wheel of my car. lol But, I never lost sight of my goal, do not lose site of yours.
#3 UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU HIT THAT GIRL, your going to be a probation/parole office and a battery on your record is forbidden, also you will lose where you live and if you think working and going to school is hard, try it homeless! Now is when you develop the guts that you will need to succeed in life. Self discipline is the hardest.
You can do this! I know it. Never said it was easy. Did I?
I tried to tell you to go directly to school after high school. But your choice was different, that was then this is now.
Put one foot in front of the other and do what you know is right! You will be tired, hungry, frustrated, all those things BUT, SCHOOL IS NUMBER ONE
REPEAT SCHOOL IS NUMBER ONE!!
NOW GET TOUGH AND DO IT!!
I love you with all my heart, but I can't do it for you.
Remermber the book on self talk? Well develop strong positive self talk. Your thoughts cause your emotions,
not emotions control thoughts.
Every day I get up and make the choice to be happy, and some days it ain't easy!
Everyday say to yourself, I am happy, I will do this, and I will be successful at school.
A little nusance like that kid is of no importance what so ever.
Your doing bigger and better things!
Learn to control your temper, turn around and walk away.
If I had kicked the shit out of everyone that annoyed me, I would be in jail now! Develop class!
Your to damn good, and too damn smart to screw up the situation you have over some stupid brat!
Go to the library and read some self-help books. Even just a page or two, to give yourself a boost.
Look at your school. It is beautiful. Be proud. Look at the sky, enjoy Dallas
Train your self to follow through. And you know all this already. We talked for years.
I love you with all my heart and I know what kind of guts you have, cause you got it from me
Be tough and proud but, dont smack that dumb kid because that is immature and threatens where you live.
To those people where you live, she is family and blood is always tight no matter what.

love
Grandma
Judy
And I am still tough!!
I had a hard fight this last year but I never accept defeat

Hope no one feels like I have betrayed any trust or privacy. These letters are so beautiful, and sooo MOM!!!!
P.S. Listen to grammy Jess she had lots of knowledge!!!

This was part of an e-mail Kat sent to me.

here's something that I found the other nite. and I dont remember if I sent it to Judy or if she sent to me.............

Sometimes we forget how instantly our lives can end and are often to embarrassed to say I love you. We just assume our family and friends know.

Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.
Sometimes, "I love you" can heal & bless. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.
Just in case I die tomorrow.....I LOVE YOU!!!

Doesn't really matter who sent it first. It says it all !!!
I thank God for all the "I love yous mom and I shared in her last week!!!!